a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize