...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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