i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
