I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this just has baby written all over it
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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