We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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