You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize