Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
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So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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