So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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