If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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