Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
