We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
