i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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