I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
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this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize