I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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