Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
