There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
