i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I supernannyed him into submission
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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