I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
