i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
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