i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
last night I used snow as a chaser
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
