M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize