tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm too high and old for this...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
