Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
