dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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