Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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