i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Randomize
