ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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