i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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