If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
