I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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