My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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