dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Enjoy the penises
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
