so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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