Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
