Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
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How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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