the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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