How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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