I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
