drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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