today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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