I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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