she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
