flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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