I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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