The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
