It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am naked and annoyed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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