So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
