New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
