Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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