you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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