Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
