A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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