Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
