I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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