People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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