I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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