dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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