i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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