Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
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I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.