Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.