In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Wow word travels fast.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.