I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.