Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize