and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
