tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
