And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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